Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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