walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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