Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
