So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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