my room smells like sperm. sweet.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
