i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
