My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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