dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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