My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
