Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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