you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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