sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
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There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
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My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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