i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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