he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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