I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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