I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
