Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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