We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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