In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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