My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
