Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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