did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
