Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
