I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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