I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
now i know why i became what i already was.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
