I wish I could teleport
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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