Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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