I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
