Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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