i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
