Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
