Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
