Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
