i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
