Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
