i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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