I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
