Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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