I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
