quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A+ Viking dick
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
