Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
