also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
