his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
