What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
