I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
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Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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