I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
