My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
