i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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