I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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