woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
