you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
