FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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