rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize