All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Two words: nipple clamps
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