I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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