why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
