Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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