ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
