It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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