When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
