So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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